My grandpa passed away this morning.
I knew when I woke up to a voicemail message from my aunt that it was bad news. I think we all kinda figured he wouldn't last long without that surgery. They kept saying his heart rate was so low along with his blood pressure. No matter how you look at it he was in bad shape and he either would've died during the surgery or later without it. The doctor didn't give him much of a chance either way. It was only a matter of time.
Unfortunately, we still can't get up north to see about things today. The street & driveways are still icy. Ours isn't too bad because it's level, but my aunt's driveway is slanted and she says she's afraid she'll fall if she goes out there. So we're waiting until tomorrow, since my mom has her treatment appointment anyway. Hopefully a little more of this graupel and ice will melt by then, but the temps are very slow in warming up. But we need to go and pick up his personal effects and deal with funeral arrangements, etc.
I'm not really sad about this yet. Like I said, it's not like it was unexpected and he was in bad shape when we last saw him on Wednesday. I'm actually kinda grateful that he didn't linger around for weeks in the condition he was in. He wouldn't have wanted that and I hated seeing him so lifeless like he was. I know my mom & my aunt are lamenting how he never should have been trying to change that light in the ceiling, but we don't even know what caused him to fall, plus the doctor said the compression of the spine in his neck had been that way for years, so who knows how that was effecting everything. Plus, he was 94, lived a long life, and I know based on how he'd been talking over the past few months that he didn't think he'd live much longer anyway...and that was when he was in better condition. Besides, I tend to have a delayed reaction to this sort of thing anyway. I'll miss him, but I'm glad he didn't stick around for a long time when he was basically just an empty shell.
This also means that I have no more living grandparents. He was the last. And our little circle of relatives grows smaller and smaller. It's awful being one of the youngest in the family. You get to see everyone else die before you. Technically, I'm the youngest of our more inner circle of relatives: mom, aunt, and now just my 2 cousins (who are older than me). I have various other relatives back east: an aunt, uncle, 3 younger cousins, and various & very few other relatives of my dad and mom.
Anyway, there's a lot to deal with now and I expect there'll be frequent trips up north to deal with that and all the stuff in his house, which is quite a mess. It's going to take a long time sorting through all of that. Sorry to be so rambling. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel. The sadness isn't there, it's just sort of..."Well, we have to deal with this now". I don't know how my mom & aunt are dealing with this either, besides feeling if he hadn't fallen Christmas Eve morning that he'd still be alive. And I suck at comforting people. I'll put that out there right now. It's all awkward and I'm not good at it at all, especially with family, in person.
I need to quit blathering and post this already.