It's been a rough day, though we've had decidedly worse ones. Let's just say I haven't done a lot of sitting around much. A lot of the time I would just sit down and either my aunt or my mom would need me for something.
I got up at 11 this morning to find that the medications were okay and given on schedule, but my poor mom hadn't gotten any sleep all night...again. *sigh* So I got up and dressed as quickly as I could so I could give her a chance to get some sleep.
Let's see if I can rundown how the day went:
- Replaced light bulb in the hallway. Ceiling light....yeah, those are fun.
- Took my aunt down to the bathroom and back a half dozen times.
- Missed breakfast completely.
- Had "brunch" of Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal...a few bites of which I gave my aunt to eat.
- Went over to our house to pick up the daily newspaper, our mail, then my aunt's mail on my way back.
- Went over to the house a couple of times to pick up things that mom needed. Oh, by the way it was pouring down rain today. Goody.
- Ate some lunch. I'm discovering the magic of having a microwave. A bit of a learning curve with the timing, but I'm picking it up. My aunt has an old microwave, but it gets the job done. Had some pasta with chicken -- good, but kinda spicy.
- Gathered up the garbage and put it out.
- Finally got to really sit down and listen to some music on my mp3 player while looking through some photography magazines I've been meaning to read. I did this for an hour or so while my mom & and my aunt napped.
- Had to go back over to the house for more things for mom.
- Had supper.
- After bringing my aunt back to her chair from the bathroom I tried to get her to eat something which she flatly refused, saying something about when a dying woman doesn't want anything she doesn't want anything. I tried to tell her that she'd just get stomach cramps again (which she already had earlier in the day). She fired back that she wasn't hungry. It got a bit heated.
- Within about 10 minutes I told them I was going over to the house to get something. In fact I went over there to cry for a bit. It was just the frustration of the situation and all the stress of what's going on. I didn't stay long and did actually pick up a few things.
- As soon as I came back to the house, my aunt called me over to her and held my hands and apologized. "I want you to feel that you're welcome here." I let it all slide by and I told her it was okay. Dammit. Just when I'd gotten control of my emotions she had to go and do that. She asked for some hot tea and I went out to the kitchen to fix it and hold back more tears.
So there's the day in a nutshell. Interspersed with all of this, of course, were giving aunt her meds every 3 and 6 hours and escorting her to the bathroom and back. No wonder I've lost another 2 pounds, but that's the one positive about all of this.
As for my little breakdown, I guess it was only a matter of time. I'm worried about my aunt, I'm worried about my mom and it doesn't help when they're both so frustrating and stubborn. Meanwhile, I'm just trying my best to keep everything going and my aunt fed and comfortable. So when she's barely eating and my mom thinks she's "starving herself" well, what's a gal to do? I try to get my aunt to eat, but with the cancer no doubt growing even bigger and making her stomach smaller and smaller there's only so much I can do. I'm worried about her lack of eating, too, but I can't force feed her. *sigh*
Now if I can just keep my mom going. She's not getting any sleep at night when she takes over my aunt's care for me while I go and sleep in bed. I keep volunteering to stay up and just cat-nap in the chair and help out, but she won't have any of that. *sigh*
Tomorrow (or I guess I should say today since it's now officially Thursday) my cousin, K and her husband are coming down to meet with an attorney here so my aunt can get her will put together.
Thanks for reading my friends. *hugs*