I don't even know why I'm making this post. I've talked myself out of making it about a dozen times already.
There's times like tonight when I really wish I had someone to talk to, a good friend to lend an ear to my troubles. And I know a few of you have been very generous and given me your phone numbers to call, but I hardly think calling people in the middle of the night is a good idea. Dammit. Why do all my friends have to live in other time zones or go to bed early? *sigh*
I don't feel like going into the whole thing in this post, but I'm stressed and worried tonight. It's my mom again...her breast, to be exact. It's been giving her trouble over the past couple of months. It's getting better, and certainly looking better now, but they're still unsure what the real problem is. Could be scar tissue, could be an infected mass...could be the return of the cancer.
Now we were told back in 2010 that she had a very small chance (like under 5 or 10%) of this cancer returning. We're both hoping that's still true.
This morning mom's going to have a breast biopsy like she did before when they found the cancer. This will tell them for sure what the problem is because there still a hard mass in her breast. They've already done a mammogram and an ultrasound. They keep telling us, "Don't worry. It's not necessarily cancer." But I know our luck. Look at our family's track record with health so far. Death after death in the past 6 years. It's hard to hope for the best with that kind of reality.
It freaks me out. I can't lose my mom. I just can't! Not yet. I'm trying not to worry, but I'm just really stressed out right now. Mom says she's not worried tonight, yet she's getting itchy hives on her hands. Yeah...she's not worried. *insert sarcasm*
I'm sure it doesn't help that my period is starting. I'm an emotional rollercoaster.
Anyway, I need get to bed early because we've gotta leave at 9 a.m. Ugh.
So if you've got any positive thoughts or vibes for my mom, I'd sure appreciate them. I truly hope we get good news from this next week. Gonna be a long weekend of waiting and worrying, that's for sure. *sigh*