You know you're having a bad day when 5 or 6 spam comments on LJ just about push you over the edge. I'm so sick of these spammers hitting me about every weekend. I delete/ban/report, but they just keep coming. *sigh*
RL is the pits right now. I'm stressed out and emotional or not caring about anything at all. Quite the mixed bag. Most of all, I'm afraid of getting suicidal again. It's already happened once last month. I'm coming to realize I can easily lean in that direction if I get really depressed or stressed out. I wish I had a real life friend to go to in times like that, but the one I had I haven't communicated with in months. I fear our friendship is truly over and that upsets me as well. I realize I should probably talk to someone professional, but I really don't think much of shrinks plus right now I don't have time or resources to even go find/see one.
If I get very quiet around here on LJ that can mean I'm depressed. So I'm hoping someone here on my Flist will be around to kinda check up on me and see if I'm alright. Keep in mind that I usually say I'm fine when I'm not. There's a lot of Dean Winchester in me in that respect. *g* I'm real good at pretending things are alright when I'm actually falling apart. Gee, aren't you glad you friended me? You had no idea what you were getting yourself into, did you? :P
Many of you know about LJ messing up our Friends Page. I don't like the new version, but I'm sure we'll all be forced into using it eventually. Not sure how many of you are planning on leaving, but I hope it's not too many. I'm tempted to jump ship and go to Dreamwidth, but I feel LJ is my home and I'm really not ready to bail on it just yet. I'll complain and bitch a lot more before I give it up.
However, in light of LJ quieting down lately and my own often limited time on here, I'm doing a big Friends cut. Don't think I've ever cut this many journals before (it's about 30 people). Hate to do it, and it isn't easy for me, but with people either abandoning their journals for Twitter or Tumblr or the fact that I haven't connected with some people...makes it hard to call each other Friends, doesn't it? Some of you I already follow on Twitter/Tumblr so I know we won't be cutting all ties. Most of all I need to know I've got people on my Flist that I'm close with, that I've made a connection with and who will help me in times of emotional need (and that I feel comfortable returning the favor to).
I'd also like to say if anyone wants to cut me, I'm okay with that, too. It's not like you'll be missing any goodies here. Most posts with caps/fanart/fanfic/icons etc. are public as they always will be. But if you think I'm too high maintenance, we haven't connected like you thought, you're sick of me not replying back to your comments, or whatever the reason is...feel free to defriend me. No hard feelings will be felt and I wish you well.