raloria - Screencapping Goddess (raloria) wrote,
raloria - Screencapping Goddess
raloria

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My heart is an open book

I've been debating over making a post about this, but I'm hoping by talking about this here on my journal, maybe I'll start to feel better. Because right now...I'm hurt, bitter, and depressed.

And I realize some people think there's too much drama and sad posts on LJ. If you fall into this category and you think I'm being a drama queen then you're free to ignore this post or defriend me, or whatever you want to do.


I've been defriended again. I know, no new news about that. I don't even know why this time it's upsetting me so much. Please don't ask me who it is....I'd rather not say. I received her message before I went to bed. She at least was kind enough to explain why she was cutting me and I do appreciate that. I was hoping by "sleeping on it" that I'd be over it and be able to move on. What normally would have been a restful sleep was anything but and I awoke more bitter than ever. After responding to her message, I defriended her back. I felt it was the best thing to do.

We hadn't been friends all that long, but I thought we were building a good online relationship. She did not feel the same and problems my caps were causing to her LJ were too much to ignore. We've parted with an understanding and she said she's sorry for hurting my feelings.

I guess I wear my heart on my sleeve too much for LJ. I feel too much. I've heard some say it's just LJ, it's not real life, just let it go. Usually, I have someone defriend me, sleep on it, and things are fine the next day. I move on. Somehow, I'm finding that difficult this time.

I'm particularly critical about who I friend. It's not just about having common interests, there has to be a certain vibe....a feeling of being a kindred spirit, if you will. There has to be a connection on some level that I can find from reading the person's journal entries, or reading about them in their profile, or even looking at their userpics. So mutually friending is important to me. Some of you I feel I've gotten to know well and in a short amount of time. With others it's taking a little longer, but that's okay, too. I guess it'll either happen, or as in this case, it won't. But to me you're not just a collection of usernames. You're people. People I wouldn't normally ever have the chance to even meet except for LJ and our love of SPN, Jensen, and Jared. I'm thankful for the friends I have and I'm always eager to make new ones.

I know I'll look at this post later on and regret ever typing all this out. I always do. Somehow opening up like this on LJ feels oh so necessary at the time, but then silly and pathetic later on. There's some stuff in real life that's starting to pile up on me and I guess this defriending episode just pushed me over the edge. Hopefully, getting this all out of my system will help and I can move on. Right now I don't feel like posting anything more today. I'll probably just make my Just 'Cause post for tomorrow....which is ironic, since it was the main cause of this defriending. But I won't be taking care of any comments or posting anything else today. I just don't have it in me to do it right now.

If you've made this far through the post, I thank you for taking the time to read all of my ramblings. If you want to leave my emotional ass in the dust, you can defriend me if you like. I'll return the favor. Might as well rip off the band-aid quickly instead of slowly.

*hugs whoever is left on my flist after all of this*


Tags: livejournal, ramblings
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