I've gone through a gamut of emotions, as I'm sure we all have. It's a huge loss. One we all knew would happen one day, but perhaps not quite this soon. It's kind of funny to say the word "soon" in relation to a show that will have a 15 year run. I got to thinking who I was when SPN began and you know what? I can't even remember. This show has forever changed who I am. So what will I be now with it gone? That has been one of the many thoughts going through my head since Friday afternoon.
I've lost sleep, I've shed a few tears, I've feared what this will mean for me and my various homes online, including this journal. But now at the end of this long weekend, I've reached a state of acceptance with it all. After all, we still have the last few episodes of this season and a full 20 episodes for Season 15. A whole year before we really have to say goodbye to the show.
It's a testament to how messed up I've been all weekend that it's taken me this many days to even be able to make a post about this. And I've seen so many of the rest of you make posts already and I haven't even been able to read them. I just couldn't. I promise to go back and read and leave comments, now that I'm more emotionally stable. Goodness knows we all need to support one another now more than ever.
Admittedly, hearing the announcement was similar to learning the world was ending. Our, SPN world, is ending, so I guess it makes sense. Here I thought, "Oh, I'll be prepared for this day." Nope. No way. Not even close! My world turned upside down.
Do I keep capping? Yes. I'll finally catch-up...hopefully!
What about my LJ? Like I'm going anywhere? I think you're all stuck with me.
But the filming locations will come to an end, too. What about those? Again, a chance to catch up at last!
I've asked myself so many questions this weekend. Some I have answers to and others I'm still searching for. But I still have a year to figure it all out. That's something I've had to keep reminding myself of. It's sometimes easy to forget with all the emotions rolling around in my brain.
So what does it all come down to?
SPN has had an incredible run. We are so lucky to have 15 years of this amazing show! I remember back in the early years when we wondered every summer if the show would be coming back. And then it became this invincible thing where the network president loved it and guaranteed it would go as long as the Boys wanted it to. And well, here we are. It says a lot that we learned from the guys themselves and based on what I've read, we learned of their decision right after they told the crew the news. If there was ever any doubt to how they feel about the fans, well, there it is. They broke the news to us themselves. It wasn't some Tweet from a news outlet. Jensen & Jared have said over & over that we're a family, so they had to share the news with all of us. No doubt this is equally a rough time for all of them. So many lives affected - that whole cast & crew. I'm sure it was a difficult decision to make. But I respect that the guys want to spend more time with their families. They spend 9 months out of the year making SPN. That's a lot of missed time with little kids who are growing up so fast. They deserve this break at long last.
The conventions will continue. Less of them, but they'll go on. The SPNFamily will definitely go on and our many creative works will continue to be made in the years to come. The Winchesters will never truly die. Not now, not ever. We will keep them alive. Fanfic will be written, fanart will be made.
I'm not going to talk about all this show has given me right now: the inspiration, the friendships, the strength it's given me to keep going. For this isn't our goodbye. Not yet.
We can see the end of the tunnel, but there's still a few miles to go! Let's embrace these final 24 episodes and use this year to celebrate everything SPN is for each of us! ♥
John from 14x13 "Lebanon":
"All right. Near as I can tell, we have two choices.
We can think about what's coming.
Or we can be grateful for this time that we have together.
Now, me? I choose grateful.
So, to whatever brought us together, we owe you one. Amen."